and I don't want to live this life....

Screw it.. screw it all!!

Why do I even bother, time and time again heart ache after heart ache. It's the same dame thing.. like a boy, boy likes you .. then boy doesn't anymore.. your hurt because you were lead on and you were ready to take a step in a new direction..

Always one step forward 2 back for this girl. I don't know why.. why me. Thousand of girls ask this question everyday, they shouldn't have to. I'm a good person, I have so much to give, but no body wants it. Only person I can think of live millions of miles away...

My heart can't take it, so long I've gone through the same thing over and over and over again. I can't even count on my fingers and toes how many times I've been lead on like this and then pushed down a well.

Think I'm stupid? I do, I know I am... I shouldn't care about guys and what they think of me. It's a simple fact that love makes everything a little better. You have someone to share things with, your secrets your dreams.. everything. I'm just glad I got to experience it once.

When you tell someone you like them a lot, and start talking about the future... then come to tell me that your ex is back in your life.. expect me to be pissed. It hurts.. a lot. I know now how others feel. What goes around comes around, but I just don't understand.

I thought things were getting better. Clearly not. Christmas is just around the corner and for the 4th year I'm waiting under the mistletoe alone again.

I kept telling myself I don't need a man in my life, I wish I did. I miss it. I miss being in love, even the fighting part.. oddly enough.

I'm done school for now, my 2nd semester is right around the corner and I'm heading to placement. My days will be filled with work and sleeping and more work. My social life will go down the shitter, and I'll be just another working drone. Have I lost my sense of adventure and lust for travel, not.. but I have to post pone my exploration. I can only get lost in a book or a movie now.. thankful I love both.

I just finished a great book called "and I don't want to live this life" by Deborah Spungen, Nancy Spungen's mother.. the punk rockers girlfriend.. you know Sid Vicious. It was incredible. I cried, I cringed, I felt sorry for her, I hated her... I hated myself because I knew reading this book that that woman that mother went through so much shit.. and I'm just having boy problems and family issues. So what.

If you don't know who this woman is.. research then read.. you'll throughly enough it.

I finally got around to watching Wanted, awesome movie!!! I love the sound track to.. it was incredible!!

Thats it.. my rant for the day.. I'm off to kill myself with boredem lol