Criminal Mind

3:12- I sit here with a half a cup of coffee and my eyes all blood shot and red. Have I over exerted myself to the very end. No.. that's right this is just the beginning of my hate for life durning the last 3 weeks of my school's semester. Then I start all over again.
Oh about the title. I've fallen in love with this song by Gowan, the singer from Styxx. He's Canadian I just sound out, which makes all this typing more worth my wilder. So anyways, I found this live recording of the song on my external hard drive which was bought from a close friend of the families and must have been snuck in. I'm glad it was because it's become my favourite song... it's about being a criminal all your life and only knowing that one thing. It's got great piano in it and it's so powerful.. so go download it, not the original a live version because it's better.

Ok down to business, I went home this week-end to go out with an old friend on kind of a date. I worked till 6, but had to stay later to clean the entire store which took forever. So finally at 7:45 I was out, he knew I was working so I figured he'd wait.. seeing as he's been dying to see me. Well i get in town by 9:15.. i was going 140... and lost tons of gas, HAHAH! Fuck gas prices.. what is it with this fuckin world? 105.4 right now, like kiss my freakin ass...I'm a student, maybe help us out a little? It's hard enough having to repair your muffler, gas line AND the centre pipe.. 1,500 down the shit whole... but GAS give me a break!! I've found it's most expensive to be healthy then kill our world.. how dumb is that, I learned the other day that it's cheaper to make whole wheat bread then white.. and yet it's like a dollar cheaper. It's not us who makes us fat it's the food companies!
Ok sorry for getting on that random tangent, so I sent him and e-mail asking if he was still cool with hanging..didn't get anything back I figured that's ok I'll call him when I get into town. So get into town and call him.. answering machine, my dad called so happy i came home... at least one person cared I was home... so he told me to call again and tell him .. house to ourselves free booze.. he's bound to come over.. NOTHING. So I sat at home by myself all night drinking cosmo's and watching Blade, some other movies and BRAVO! at night.. the risky naughty stuff.. hahha yeah it's interesting to watch ok..
I was pissed.. this was the 2nd time i was down for him, however the first time his mom was sick in the hospital. So that was ok, but this time.. nothing. Does this guy know how to pick a phone up and call me.. no. Well he told me his phone was fucked up and he didn't have internet where he was. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt here and just forget about it, I'm a sucker for 2nd chances.. which turn out BBAAAD.. right Adam, yeah! So let's hope 3rd times a charm and things work out because he's different from when I remember him although i haven't seen him in 2 years, whatever we'll see.
I was just so down on myself and everything because I get my hopes up so much about a guy and then I get fucking shit on all the time... Adam did it, Al did it, Teddy, now Will.. the one person I thought might have the balls to blow all the other guys out of the water, which he did in the beginning but still.. what is it with me.. I went from being the best girlfriend ever to getting dumped because of mommy issues.. ok understandable, but don't you want to know that when things are really bad you have someone to take you away from them all who's not a friend... friends don't kiss things better and hold you to know things will be alright. Well I realized how much he really gave a shit about me. Men don't fight anymore.. they expect us to.. well fuck that, men give up to easily!!!! Will if you ever read this GROW THE FUCK UP AND GET SOME GOD DAMN BALLS TO TELL ME STRAIGHT FORWARD YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME.. YOU FUCKING PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow.. that felt good. Oh and don't tell me you still want to be friends and ignore me... and I had such high hope for you. Well I did get one good thing out of that relationship... best sex ever for what it was. I hope that doesn't make me seem like a bitch or anything, I'm just telling the truth. Mr. Right was totally Mr. Wrong, I wish things would have worked out and it turn out better, but meh... a lot of sorry's, hugs and smiley face rings from the arcade are the only way i'd forgive you!! Oh and guys.. don't sign "Love.. whoever" on notes... you give the girl high hopes.. so thanks Will.. jac- nevermind..

So 3:36 am... i should be working on my coverage, but my brain is to full with shit.. not literally that's just gross.... nothing? laugh? giggle? DAMN... i'm starting to think comedy isn't my forte.. lol

I worked thursday-sunday this week... my feet kill. AND i took a shift tomorrow well today I guess.. ugh.. this is how desperate I am for money. I WANT MY WII!!!!!!!!!! Well I'm saving up for it.. I have 112.00 so far.. I want some games to so i'm shooting for 350.. 400.. yikes.. I could by a freakin xbox 360 and steal Ben's games.. but then there'd be 2 xboxs.. damn.. so many choices GOD!! Someone invent a 3 in 1.. please. Oh so how about that Band Hero.. fuckin sick.. i'm so stoked for it!! I think that'll be my present to me.. I mean Ben.. yes.. thats right. oh geez. I got ben GHII for his birthday and he never plays it.. I do.. lol so I feel bad i basically bought it for me.. and ben nothing. I'm a terrible sister..


OMG.. so I was at Value Village the other day and I spotted the best thing ever.. ok here's the story, back in high school I had this friend Matt and he introduced us to this song called HOLD THE LINE... by TOTO.. well I fell in love and the song kind of fell out for a while until this year and low and behold I saw in the corner of my eyes the record with the song on it... well for 1.50... i had to get it! It's on my wall right now I think I'm going to try and buy old records.. like bowie, elvis and such and make that my wallpaper. It's my first record! Well my mom has given me her's but there at her house. I think i have Montly Crue, Princes and the revolution... some elvish, bob Sherman.. or who what.. my mom having Monetly Crue was the greats things ever.. I was like DAD, sick record.. he's all like.. uh that's your moms... :O how shocked was I!!!

Oh it's my christmas rant now, so I've put lights up on my window... frosted white and blue.. look fabulous. Not really for Christmas but I bought "A Superstar Christmas" cd with it.. and was listening to it while putting them up so it made me feel so festive.
At work we had to make a goal for this season and mine was to bring more of a positive additude to work and more festive spirit.. and christmas music on my ipod= GOAL COMPLETED!! Frosty the snowman here I come!! lol

Oh crap... 3:50... fuck this.. bed time for me!! Alright so until next time..


later homes,

J-dawg \/ bitches..